Curses and Threats
by The Last Deathly Guardian
Summary: "Oh sweet Merlin's underpants," Ron Weasley whimpered, his eyes wide as Galleons as he listened with an expression of utter terror. "She's cursing so bad now that they've even started censoring her!" he whispered, horrified. Crack-fic.
**Setting:** AU. Seventh Year. Battle of Hogwarts did not occur.

 **Disclaimer:** I DO NOT own Harry Potter.

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 **Curses and Threats**

The two out of three members of the Golden Trio plus one Slytherin Prince stared at the raging brunette in front of them, too dumbfounded and afraid to say anything lest they find themselves at the dangerous end of her ire. Literally.

"When I get my hands on that slimy, dirty rotten faggot of a Slytherin, I'll tear him from limb to limb with my bare hands," Head Girl Hermione Granger - who everyone thought to be a peaceful, well-mannered girl - ranted off furiously, gripping her sprained ankle. "Then I'll rip off his fingers one by one, followed by his toes and ears, and I'll violently stuff each appendage deep inside _every single sodding orifice on his body_!" she snarled viciously in the empty hallway, her words of promised violence echoing of the stone walls. " _I'll-_ "

Huddling together, they shivered in a not so pleasant way, growing more fearful of her by the second.

For once, three boys found common ground on which they agreed that Hermione Granger was _clearly_ one scary and incredibly _violent_ witch.

"Malfoy, what the hell you _do_ to her?" the Boy Who Lived whispered through clenched teeth to stop them from chattering, refusing to lose anything left of his tattered dignity. He was trembling in _Malfoy's arms for Merlin's sake_ , shaken up from just what he had just _heard_ from his best friend!

"I didn't know she would react this way!" the Head Boy hissed back in reply. His was shaking badly too. " _It was a joke!_ "

Hermione's voice floated up to them once more, a new inventory of tortures filling fuelling their terror; "-force feed him an overdose of Sleeping Draught during dinner, and if that doesn't kill him, I'll just [beep] do it the Muggle way and [beep] stab him repeatedly with a [beep] butter knife, maybe [beep] castrate him first so that he [beep] and [beep]-"

"Oh Merlin's sweet underpants," Ron Weasley whimpered, his eyes wide as Galleons as he listened with an expression of utter terror. "She's cursing so bad now that they've even started censoring her!" he whispered, horrified.

"That damn [beep] bastard, I'll [beep] show him!-"

"Damn it Malfoy, _do something,_ " Harry hissed at the blonde prat he was cowering with.

"And get myself _killed_? Why don't _you_ do something? Isn't that what your sodding Gryffindor stupidity is good for?" Draco hissed back, baring his teeth. "Control your own _Mudblood-_ "

Ron lurched at him albeit quietly as not to draw attention, and covered his mouth. " _Are you completely mental?"_ the Gryffindor prefect growled at the struggling Head Boy. "Thanks to you, she's going to find us!"

"Why are _you_ afraid, Weasley? She's after _my_ head!"

Harry seized Malfoy by the collar of his shirt, green eyes shining with madness. " _Don't you understand_?" Harry said desperately, shaking him as he thought it would make him understand faster. "Unintentionally, we hid you from her so we're as horribly screwed as you are."

" _I bloody hate my life_ ," Draco swore. "And that sodding _Mudbl-_ "

"Shut up, shut up, _shut up_! She can hear you, dammit!" Ron hissed at him, panicking as there was a sudden silence in the air. Hermione had stopped talking. "Oh _, hell_."

" _Oh, Draco~"_ They stiffened when they heard her sickening sing-song voice, the roaring of blood in their ears or the erratic beating of their hearts growing louder and louder by the second. "I know you're there. I mean, _who else_ would have called me a [beep] _Mudblood_?" she practically hissed out, causing the hairs of their body to stood on its end.

" _She knows!_ How does she know?" Draco whispered, when in reality he wanted to scream it out, frightened by this Granger he did not know.

"She tabooed the word-"

"Granger did _what_?!" Draco resisted the urge to scream. This seemed like a very _very_ horrible nightmare. Heck, it made fighting in a bloody war look like a walk in the park! He closed his eyes, squeezing them shut. ' _When I open them, Granger should be gone, and everything will turn out to be just one hell of a messed up dream."_

Draco opened his eyes.

To find himself greeted by familiar hazel eyes. "Found you, Draco~" she sang, a dark malicious smirk played around her lips. Her eyes slid over his to rest on the two other boys next to him. "Oh, Ron and Harry too?" Hermione said in mock pity. "You know better than to try and hide anything from _me._ "

"Hermione, please-"

"It was an accident! The ferret pulled us in here-"

"Have mercy!" Draco watched with horror as they started grovelling at her feet as if they were nothing but wretched _ants_ , which they were and they should grovel for all eternity but, but - not _to a Mudblood like her_!

"The both of you are such utter disappointments," she sighed as she drew her wand. Hastily, Draco drew his own wand, but was unfortunately, too slow. " _Expelliarmus!"_ He watched in horror as his wand, his weapon, his _lifeline_ , flew into her waiting hand. Before he could demand back his wand and property, she quickly fired three successive " _Impedimenta_!", the force of the spell causing all three of them to collide painfully against the wall, cocooned tightly in thick ropes.

"Too slow, Malfoy," Granger taunted, twirling his wand in her hand. Draco gritted his teeth as he struggled against the bindings but it was futile. Damn Granger for being good at charms. "You won't be getting out of those bindings anytime soon. It's useless to try, so you might as well stay still and let me have my revenge."

"How about you untie us and sod off," Draco said, trying to sound confident. Unfortunately, Draco could only hear the continued echoes of the crumbling pieces of his courage hitting the metaphorical ground. "I mean, tying up your fellow Head Prefect, a prefect and a Quidditch Captain? Casting spells in the corridors? Threatening me? You might as well now kiss your head prefect badge goodbye, Granger."

Her eyes narrowed dangerously, and all he could think was; _damn you bloody sodding fool, what were you thinking baiting her like that, I'll never make this out alive now, damn damn damn-_

Momentarily, he was blinded by two flash of brilliant red. Blinking, Draco saw the two other boys slumped forward against the wall, unconscious. He swallowed.

"You can threaten me all you want, Malfoy," Granger said softly, gingerly favouring her right ankle as she crouched down to his eyelevel. Draco pressed himself more firmly against the wall. "But nothing will stop me from getting even."

Suddenly, she whipped out a vial and forced the tip of it into his mouth. Draco tried to keep his mouth shut, but she pinched his nose forcing him to breath and gulp the unknown brew. Spluttering, he coughed as she withdrew, a triumphant look on her face.

"W-What is this?" he demanded, the feeling of numbness spreading across his body. Did Granger poison him?

Granger had the audacity to roll her eyes. "Relax, Malfoy. It's just a Sleeping Draught," she said nonchalantly, though there was a glint in her eyes. "Of course, laced with a little extra zing. This is going to be so much fun," she continued, clapping her hands giddily.

"W-what are g-going to do to me?" he said groggily, trying to fight the effects of the potion even though he knew it was futile. Damn bloody sodding Granger and her perfect potions.

"Oh, you know, the usual," he heard her say distantly, his senses beginning to dull. But the glee in her voice as she said the next sentence was unmistakable.

"Terribly wicked, _wicked_ things."

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 **Like. Comment. Re-read.**

 **A/N:** This is just my attempt to write a short one-shot, my motivation based primarily on making Hermione curse like a sailor with the three boys overhearing her and well... _cowered_. But I may consider on expanding it more in the future depending on the amount of interest in this.

Reviews are much appreciated.

-The Last Deathly Guardian


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